Improvements to Gender Reveal Parties

Here’s how I’d like for gender reveal parties to go. I find all of these preferable to what we currently have. Imagine:

  1. You and your lovely boyfriend gather around your best friend Rachel and her husband Tom as they raise a large black balloon in the yard. Excitement brims. Tom produces a large, novelty needle and holds it aloft. You all see the needle and cheer. Tom brings the needle to Rachel’s swollen balloon, and as you wonder what the meaning of this metaphor is, the balloon pops, erupting with dozens of tiny streamers of pink and baby blue. The streamers fly through the crowd guided by unseen hands, wrapping themselves sloppily around each person present, revealing to them their own gender. People heave sighs of relief, others heave moans of despair, having been assigned-no-revealed by the balloon to be a gender they don’t wish to be. But as we know, the Balloon is final. The Balloon is law. Those who weep will have to wait until the next reveal party to try to get a more preferable gender.

ALL of these options are better than current gender reveal parties.

I’m incredibly rich, and it’s time for me to give back. A Nerdling. America’s Premier Thot Leader. Underwater Basket Entrepreneur. twitter @dcinspo

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