Mom-and-Pop Conspirers Overshadowed by Larger, More Marketable Conspiracies

The world's small conspiracies, who account for 60% of all cabals and shadow-organizations, are being neglected as the public focus rests on Plandemics, Illuminati, and Reptilians.

“My life’s work went up in smoke,” said Mark Gorkin of Altoona PA. “My family and I have been murdering drifters in our small town for generations and selling their organs on the black market, but we’re just not getting the recognition we worked for. Meanwhile, people think Fauci designed COVID. What hurts the most is that anyone in the industry knows that Fauci didn’t do anything to engineer COVID. It’s awful to do all this work to build conspiracies and see a freeloader like Fauci get all the credit.”

Mr. Gorkin’s blight isn’t an isolated case. Small town cultists, crime syndicates of under 50 members, and Bigfoots nationwide are all feeling increasingly pushed to the margins of public attention as conspiracies around the Rothschilds and 5G capture the public’s fear.

“I’m mostly disappointed,” said Gillian Mothman, granddaughter of Kyle Mothman of original Moth Man fame. “This nation is teeming with so many inventive and true conspiracies, from the Southern Strategy to the Prison Industrial Complex, but it feels like if you aren’t a devious Freemason or a 5G operator you can’t haunt the nightmares of Americans anymore. It’s the same old story. Big tech takes over everywhere. My family will be fine, we have a loyal following, but I feel bad for the Prison Industry that does so much to terrorize and control America but never really gets the fandom it deserves.”

Others decry social media and the “democratization” of conspiracy theories. Hank O’Shea used to write for the show “Ancient Aliens” but has been out of work since COVID hit. He blames Facebook. “Used to be that a conspiracy theory required craft. ‘Took men of inspiration to string together pseudoscience, journalistic typos, and sublimated anti-semitism into a theory of quality about how the Jews wanted to spread socialism via radio signals to turn Americans gay. Nowadays, every hotshot with a smartphone can make a half-decent theory and have it online in 20 minutes. It’s just not the same. You lose something in the digital speed of it.”

Still others see social media as a flowering of conspiracy. Sarah Choi is living what some cryptids and theorists would call “the dream”. After her “expose” on Chili’sGate (a smaller but passionate offshoot of Pizzagate) got attention, she’s been theorizing conspiracies at a break neck pace. “It’s just a really exciting time to be in the business, as a conspirer or a theorist,” says Sarah. “I have some friends who are doing absolutely amazing work conspiring to bring down Joe Biden, or to prop up Joe Biden as a Russian Puppet. And the white supremacist conspiracists who went to incite violence at BLM protests? This is amazing, cutting edge conspiracy work that we just never really thought we’d get to do in America. Back in the ’50s, you needed a massive budget to pull off a false flag operation. Now anyone can pose as a violent terrorist, or effectively spread a ludicrous idea, like the idea that a school shooting was staged. And of course, the work that Qanon is doing is just unlike anything we’ve seen before. It’s a great time for anyone who wants to get in there, get dirty, and sculpt the perception of truth.”

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DC Inspo

DC Inspo

I’m incredibly rich, and it’s time for me to give back. A Nerdling. America’s Premier Thot Leader. Underwater Basket Entrepreneur. twitter @dcinspo